Kiss
Puke
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
