theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
