I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
