She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
