it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I lost the right to judge tonight
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
