It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My feet surprised me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
