I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
