Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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