im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
