How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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