I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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