I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
