Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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