this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
