He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
