This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
the liver wants what the liver wants
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
