I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
