i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
