ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
