It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
