hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
