I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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