Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
