make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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