She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
