Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
