I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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