hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
