Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
