I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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