first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
