If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
