How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
