So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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