I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
