drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
