One girl and one boy is just not enough.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
