Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
