She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
