the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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