so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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