nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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