he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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