Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
