Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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