Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
