I feel like abortions should bother me more
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
