I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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