There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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