My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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