Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
